Validation

Ohh fuck I feel like crap. I feel lethargic, and quite down. Last night I forced myself to stay awake until about 2 or 3:15am. After which it really didn’t take long to knock myself out with an audiobook.

No this is not an experiment, it is because I agreed to pick up my ex-colleague and friend from Stansted Airport on Monday morning at 1:30am. Fucking stupid package holiday flights. Google Maps estimates it is at least a 90 minute drive. However, Google Maps has previously estimated a “38 minute” drive for what turned out to be over an hour. So there is that.

Being that there is absolutely no fucking way in hell that I would be awake at 1:30am normally, I am having to prepare myself to BE capable of driving down some fuckarse motorway for nearly 2 fucking hours in the middle of the night by forcing myself to stay awake, and getting up later. And.I.hate.it.

It serves to me as validation that all my longing to live normally was right. I know I’ve said but context is a thing so I’ll just say it once again- I used to drive to work at around 9:20 and drive past some houses in the next village, and they would have their lights on in the upstairs rooms, and their curtains open. I used to look in as I drove past (lack of traffic in front of me and oncoming permitting) and think it looked so cosy. I used to know they were just winding down for the night……and I was just about to START my night.

Now, I live that way myself. And already this weekend I feel just as crap as I did back then. So I’m going to do whatever it fucking takes to get back to my healthy routine by the end of next week.