Burger King Coffin: NAILED

Okay I said this before but ohh no fool like an old fool: but after my experience at Burger King last night I am absolutely never going back there EVER AGAIN.

I thought I’d try their latest fancy Steakhouse Angus burger (that link will probably date badly). Never tried it before, and their Angus burgers, bearing in mind that ALL burgers at Burger King are actually microwaved then only finished off on the grill (something I suspect they want as few people to know as possible), are actually quite nice. Ordered mine, asked for no tomato, thinking yay at least it will be piping hot.

Then the came the first bit of joy – the discovery that now when you ask for a drink at Burger King, you won’t be given one. You are given an empty cup, which you then have to go and fill yourself at their drinks machine. That in itself might not sound so bad – except that pretty much most places will actually give you the first drink when there’s really nothing to stop a person going back for refills and abusing the system. I went up to the machine to take my turn. Pressed the touchscreen display on the machine for the safe Coca-Cola (i.e. the only one without unsafe artificial sweeteners in it). Nothing happened. So I asked the woman sweeping the floors for some help with it. She barely fucking spoke a word of English. Now anyone who knows me already knows that I do NOT look down on any job. If you are in legitimate, gainful employment, that is to be respected. What I have less respect for is someone employed in England, to work in an English speaking restaurant, who can barely speak fucking English. She poorly communicated she was going to get someone to help me from the service area. No one came out. I then spotted that the safe Coca-Cola was “Not available” (it’s almost as if more people than not know the same thing as I do about artificial sweeteners). So of course I asked for a refund, as I’d paid for something they didn’t even have. After the woman serving just looked confused as to what to actually do, her colleague reached into the fridge and handed me a 500ml bottle of Coke. Thank fuck.

Next was the joy of discovering the dizzying array of dips for their chicken nuggets (I wonder if they’re microwaved as well?). Being that I’m sure Burger King would like to compete at some level against McDonald’s I was looking forward to hearing the choices. ……

“Barbecue, Ketchup or Mayo”. WWWWWOOOOOOWWW. Almost any half-arsed tiny independent chip shop could muster those 3. A fucking BURGER VAN could muster those 3. A massive, international burger chain offering those 3….? Pathetic. I even asked her to repeat them because I was sure she’d made some sort of mistake. But no, it really was that shit.

Down I sat, at an impressively clean and spotless table. Unwrapped my custom burger and bit into it. It was barely above room temperature. Add to that, it was fucking tiny. The nuggets didn’t get any better. Some were warmer than others. Fucking brilliant. Could I be arsed asking for hot ones? Could I fuck. I just wanted to eat what I had and then get the fuck out of there.

Burger King has never really cared much about competing against anyone. I’m unsure why anyone rates them. I wonder how long this “here, have this and like it. If not oh well” company ethos will sustain them in the long term. I certainly know TWO branches near to me have closed down. Not closed down and relocated – just closed down. Maybe if you put some fucking EFFORT into your food you might have a future!

Published by InsanityDaily

I'm a gamer. I'm a coaster. I am happy in general. We're all born by chance and we're all gonna die. That makes me no better or worse than you. Get over that fact and we'll probably get along. I comment on the Google news feed a lot. Oh, and I swear quite a lot.

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