Star Wars : Squadrons: First Impressions

Oh dear. This game sadly has excruciatingly forced inclusion from the first cut-scene.

“Captain Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Compton anymore”

Yes, despite there not being a single female Imperial Officer in the original trilogy, and this game being set right after that: BOOM, black female Imperial Officer.

#Inclusion!! #BLM!! #Diversity!!! Yeah that’d be great……IF IT WASN’T FICTION AND NOT SET ON EARTH, you fucking dolt.

Presumably the sudden and miraculous inclusion of black and Asian female Imperial Officers can be explained by the stop-off the Empire made by New York, just after the 2nd Death Star was destroyed, where they had a massive recruitment drive. At least….that’s about the only thing that makes sense logically to explain this one away. This also explains why the building there is called The Empire State Building, because you see as they were all leaving they left a garrison behind, and they used that building which…although hadn’t been built yet, was always planned to be built because as you know the original trilogy took place “A long time ago….”

Also, are we now suggesting, by pure inference, that black people are evil….? Cos you know, in the original trilogy all the black people were on the side of goodness and justice. Just a thought for the Twitter mobs there (who won’t read this and so can verily go fuck themselves).

To the game itself, you start off (if you’re an Imperial) in some vague tie-fighter flight training. You have to follow someone, for ages, then scan some ships, then take out some laser cannons,…..the first ‘dogfight’, which amounted to me finding all the X-Wings hanging in mid-air in a hole, blowing some up, and watching the others suddenly fly into the walls and blow up. I’m not entirely sure that was what was actually meant to happen, but that’s what did happen.

The graphics are…fine. Some of the explosions, which I observed when shooting my team mate, are very weak – the flaming cloud looking more like something I’d expect to see in Rogue Squadron rather than Squadrons. Every now and then a big section of light suddenly appears inside your cockpit walls, at which point you can almost hear the developer shouting excitedly at the publisher “LOOK!!!! YOU SEE THAT?!! SEE WHAT WE DID THERE WITH THE LIGHTING??!!!”. Again this is the kind of forced inclusion that really doesn’t bring anything to the game, and just looked painfully crowbarred in – it was also pretty distracting because you wondered what the hell it was until you realised “oh…you’re showing us you can do HDR…okay then” (insert slow hand clap).

I’m starting to see why this was set at such a low price point. I’m equally seeing the shills out in force proclaiming this is the best Star Wars flight game ever – because they have to for their access, etc etc. Wait for a few months to start seeing headers like “Why Squadrons failed as a Star Wars game” etc – from those very same people. Much like you will find endless articles on why The Rise of Skywalker was the perfect end to the trilogy from, and oh the toxic fans just don’t like it because things didn’t go their way, etc, when they needed all their interviews and screenings access, then fast forward to right now where they can be seen constantly writing articles on why The Rise of Skywalker was bad, and what The Last Jedi did wrong. Whatever happened to having an opinion based on what you actually think? That’s quite the novelty these days. But I digress….

How can you be drawn into a game when at the first set of enemies in the game, you find them all suspended in a tunnel, committing suicide? And don’t try “well to be fair you didn’t play it in VR, Stephen”. My points would hardly be annulled with a headset, would they.

At least Cex pay out £19 cash for it right now. I suspect that price will drop off REAL fast.

Published by InsanityDaily

I'm a gamer. I'm a coaster. I am happy in general. We're all born by chance and we're all gonna die. That makes me no better or worse than you. Get over that fact and we'll probably get along. I comment on the Google news feed a lot. Oh, and I swear quite a lot.

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